Due to the Grace of Sree Maa, I recently
was able to witness of how very subtly my mind tricks me in keeping me in this
bubble...This voice is so strong in my head and seems very authentic and I feel
that the way it talks, it actually brainwash my mind in believing that
I am genuine person, when sadly the reality is far far off ….
and that is the reason, it is hard for a narcissist to come out because we
actually do not know what these positive emotion feels or means within. We
believe that we know them and struggle and fight with everyone but
actually we do not have any clue..
We do not know what is righteous way of
operating because our mind creates a very different bubble which feels
very real but we are far away from truth...actually....WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT TRUTH IS.....
I was sitting and looking at a photo and
suddenly something started to stir up.
It was jealously but I cannot accept
that I was jealous.. Rather than seeing it as jealously.... we twist it and
turn it and make it very complicated in our head …..
(When a Narcissist feels jealous, we
have to find faults in others, to put the other person down so much that we
could feel good in our eyes and bring our self to a victim zone because
how can a perfect person like me can get jealous.. it has to be the fault of
other person... because this mind is not ready to accept these issues even
though we need desperate help)
There is this voice in my head
that started to comfort me first and then in a very subtle but in a cunning
way, started to brain wash my mind. Everything was done in a systematic manner (very
friendly and caring approach that it cares.. it’s very hard to explain but I am
going to try my best to explain of how my mind works..)
Firstly the voice started to remind me
the faults of that person and made this comparison where I looked good by
sharing all the good things which I have done. The minute I started to believe
it and came into the victim zone, suddenly all the emotions of sadness came in
with irritation and projection of my fear and anger on that person
But with the Grace of Sree Maa( who is
supernova catalyst who can awaken the voice of the true self, only due to which
many personalities that anyone carry can be subsided..) this time...when I
started t fall back to my victim zone, ….. Second voice from within came and
started questioning back....
- Am I still blaming others?
- What is in me that only want to look at the faults of other but hate to admit mine...?
- Did I feel good after putting the person down in this thought process?
- Did all this created anger and irritation towards others?
- What is in me that wants to be a victim?
If I was genuine, I would be
admiring the qualities of others and try to implement that in my life but I
instantly felt threatened which created jealously (but it’s not very obvious
for a Narcissist to see admit that it was jealously because the bubble
which we live in have a very different way of looking at these
negative qualities …..)
Always in Deepest Gratitude towards Sree
Maa for holding my hand.