Story of using, abusing and discarding - my first victim

"I am sorry"

Before diving into talking about other Narcissists, I will begin with my own story. It is easy to point flaws of others but looking inside isn't easy. For a
Teacher, Guru or Mentor to be courageous enough to bring these up needs  different level of courage. I begin with gratitude to my Beloved, Most Beautiful Sree Maa who played the role of a Catalyst, a True "Soul Catalyst"

I begin my sharing with rendezvous with my first victim, my ex-husband. Every time now when I think about my past action especially towards my ex, it literally breaks me up.

I feel disgusted and ashamed of how, not even once, a tiny little bit, i was able to feel his pain when I was destroying his life, pieces by pieces.The worst part is, when I look back, that I did enjoy the sadistic pleasure I was getting when he was in pain....real pain.

My story starts when i deceitfully tricked him  in getting married to me. I  saw him as an object which I wanted to used to get my residency and flourish my business and than discarding him for someone much better, because apart from excess love for my fake self, I never had the capacity to love anyone.
but he did not know about my this sinister plan as I played my part by faking real emotions and made him fall in love with me. He was very kind, empathic and very loving which for a narcissist is a jackpot.

Not only that, I made him party in my drama by making him believe that how I have been abused by my first husband and been this poor victim of the cruel world. i made him believe that he is my knight in shinning Armor and without him, I would be incomplete.

and because of me , he has to lie and go against his family to get married to me. No only that I made his family spent all the money for the marriage and still continued finding faults in that.

The abuse was very gradual and deadly. I came to him as an angel but literally was a devil inside.

I still remember of how I felt superior when I made him wash my clothes by hand. There was a sense of Joy and my broken self felt better to see him in that way; and slowly my emotional abuse started becoming more nasty, triggering him all the time and criticizing him  by making him feel like a failure.

I kept on torturing, belittle him but at the same time acted very lovingly, confusing the hell out of him so that he could start believing that issues are with him not with me. Everything was done in a very subtle way.

Even though he struggled with time because of work and business, I still made him spend extra time in setting my business. I never gave any credit to him for the sleepiness nights he compromised every time to finish my work while I enjoy my beauty sleep. I felt entitled rather than being grateful and still manage to find mistakes in him. no only that, I made him sleep outside on the carpet because my princess attitude could not able to handle this snores.

I hardly cooked food for him, and when I did never bother to eat with him and even when he tried to come in the bedroom, I would get very angry on him. and even after behaving this way, I still manage to make him feel guilty of him being victimizing me.

Soon His behavior started changing. a person who was always smiling and happy, started getting angry and I continued triggering him so that he could completely losing himself.

I could project him my insecurities  and would kept on putting doubts in his mind he has some mental problem, which needs urgent check.

Now when I look back, I could see of how I was extremely  jealous of him being popular among his friends, which made me hate him because I did not have what he had.


I even tried to put him down in front of his own friends and even tried to make them like me more and go against him. This was the sickness in was carrying in  and most disgusting part was, I could still see myself as a victim, diving and innocent. I could not able to see any  problem in me but saw him as an embodiment of problem.


I became more worst, when my mask started to fall of and he could see that what I showed is actually not who I am; and he tried to show me mirrors so that I could see the issues in me as well and that made me complete hate him to that extent that I involved my family, work people and anyone and everyone as a flying monkey to go against him.

I used my family as a flying monkey and made them go all against him, I would scream at him  and would belittle him and provoke him to hit me and unfortunately, that day arrived as well, which he was very guilty of but being a narcissist that was  this was I needed to proof to the world of "ME BEING THE VICTIM" and being a woman which made it more easy to sell my story that could make me look like an angel.


I saw him breaking more and more each day, his glow on the face was gone, bank accounts started getting negative and I kept on making him more guilty of his action.


I also even accused him of cheating me and once again, pushed him to the limits that he could hit me and when he did I called cops on him nd even made him arrested. and this did not even break me.

Just imagine what sort of heart I must be having, that sending an innocent man in jail and not even feeling guilty...

I even accused him by putting false accusation of rape on him and still my heart didn't break ONCE..i could only see my pain and me being the victim. Not once, I would see the scarifies he made for me.. not once


Selfish me, then went to the Refuge center to live with the real victims where I could not survive even a week. because in my mind I was a princess who cannot live in a shared place. so once again , I planed to manipulate my ex husband so that I could go back to him and leave him once I am financially strong and stable.

I once again managed to win his kindness without appreciating and this time around left him, when he was at his most lowest point, struggling both physically emotionally and financially.


I left him with nothing, I took all away.

I planned this in a way that I had my supply ready after leaving him , which was my parents which I already poisoned their mind against him.

I bought house, expanded my business  while he struggled each day and not only that, I still did not let him go completely.

Even running a smear campaign against my ex did not satisfy me. When I saw he have moved on very quickly this time, I even started meddling again in his life, to destroy what ever peace he was getting...UNTIL...Sree Maa walked in my life and that became the ultimate  turning point of my Narcissistic Parasite Life.

Though initially I did try my level best to trick and manipulate Sree Maa  with my sob victim story but what literally shook me was when for the first time, someone told me that rather than blaming on him, I should see what I have contributed to make it like that.. I still remember, I looked into Sree Maa eyes directly, because Sree Maa knew that it was me who was playing the games..
and I did have this feeling that something is about to shake...


Sree Maa, even knowing , the level of toxicity I was carrying, till with an open arm, welcome me inside Sree Maa's family and spend lot of time on me to see that I am beyond this  Narcissist mind matrix.

Sree Maa helped me through various levels of Voice dialoging. From seeing my self as a victim, Sree Maa helped me to take the responsibility for my actions. Not only that, being a pathological liar, it was extremely hard for me to see and speak the truth.

I remember once  Sree Maa told me to speak honestly and I said" I really don't know how to be honest, because in my mind there are so many voices telling me different thing, so I am not sure which one is the honest one" that was the level I was in. so disconnected with my soul, I was slave of my mind and it was Sree Maa who beautifully led me to see that I am NOT my Mind and Body, but PURE Consciousness . Even a corrupted mind like mine, was equally given the same level of knowledge to come out of this self created chains.

Just imagine a Narcissist today is able to reflect and write all this, which is near Impossible in this world but given an opportunity there is still little scope; which I got through my involvement at Kosmic Fusion


All Credit goes to ONE and ONLY ONE My Beloved, Most Beautiful Sree Maa